Ten Things Professional Women Need To Know About Dating

2006-01-22T07:40:00.000-08:00

By Dr. H. Jean

It happened by accident really. There I was, sitting in the lobby bar of the Ritz-Carlton, minding my own business, enjoying an “adult beverage,” when I found myself being asked to pass the cashew nuts.

The source of this request was an attractive female, mid-thirties, dressed in business attire. I smiled politely, reached for the sterling silver bowl, which held the focus of her immediate desire, and gently pushed the bowl in her direction; making sure our eyes met for an extended period of time. Before you knew it, a brief introduction quickly turned into laughter, shared experiences and a comfort level that took the conversation to a personal discussion of relationship issues. It struck me that we had been talking and enjoying one another’s company for more than an hour when the question that usually comes up in the first fifteen seconds of a chance meeting, suddenly seemed to occur to her: i.e. what do I do for a living?

In social settings, I often hesitate to reveal the fact that I am a clinical psychologist, because sharing that information usually leads to one of two occurrences: (1) a total shut down of conversation because the lady in front of me is suddenly afraid that I may have been “analyzing” her the whole time (I never do that), or (2) an even more intense personal conversation that gets eerily close to a free therapy session (smile). Yet, here I was telling this new friend that I “shrink” brains for a living, and she came up with a completely new reaction.

“You should do a seminar or write a book about the difficulties that professional women have negotiating the ‘dating’ scene,” she said. I thought that was a novel idea and I went on to enjoy the rest of the evening.

After this initial encounter, I found myself socializing at the Ritz two or three days per week and I kept meeting more and more women of all races and ethnic groups between the ages of 25-60 who fit the same description, i.e. attractive, personable, professional and frustrated with the “dating game”. These women were very open about discussing their angst with regard to romantic relationships. The only differences were that my “sessions” had moved to the much more intimate cigar bar in the back of the Ritz and now I found myself holding court while four to five females and one or two males would gather around. Each and every session discussion ended with participants saying: “Doc, you should do a seminar or write a book.” This time I began taking those words to heart and a concept came to mind about how these discussions could somehow be transformed into “helpful hints” to help career women who are very busy but still enjoy dating by increasing their ability to communicate successfully with the opposite sex.

So, again, I’m sitting at a table, at the Ritz-Carlton, minding my own business, and enjoying another adult beverage, when a dear friend of mine sits down across from me. I had not seen her in at least a year. After the usual greetings, she begins telling me how she had to “fire a brotha” whom she hoped would be her soul mate. As I listened intently to her dilemma, the words practically leaped from my mouth: “Girl, you just touched on one of the Ten Things Professional Women Need To Know About Dating…”

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Ten Things Professional Women Need To Know About Dating